Learning how to Live

Sometimes in life you're faced with tough decisions. I thought I understood that phrase, but now I'm starting to realize that once you're married, it's a whole different world. Ben had the opportunity to go on a once in a lifetime trip with one of his best friends, he'd be gone on a river in Idaho for a week without any way to contact me or anyone else the entire time. And he's supposed to leave tomorrow (three days after we got back from our honeymoon). What do I do? It's an amazing trip for him, and once in a lifetime, but it could be dangerous and I'll have to be without him for a week just ten days after our wedding... I'm trying to be a good wife, I love him so much and I want him to be happy and I'm hoping that by letting him go, I am doing what is best for us. It'll be really hard for us both to be apart that long so soon. However, I know that it should be worth it, Ben loves rivers and camping, he's almost like a fish in that he needs them to get by. I can always tell when it's been too long because there's just a pent up longing inside of him that I can see causing him to become kind of stir crazy. Whenever he returns from long adventurous trips like this, especially when he goes without me, he always returns better than when he left, it's like the flame inside of his eyes burns brighter. It's really hard to explain, but I know it is important for him and, in turn, for us. As long as he makes it back safely, I'll be 100% okay and it will have been very worth it.

Driving to Island Park

Ben and I left for our Honeymoon in Island Park on Sunday afternoon, it's about a four hour drive plus we made a bunch of stops on the way so we didn't get there until it was already almost time for bed. It was so much fun, as always with Ben in the car. We listened to the first part of a really intense book on tape about crazy government plotting with weapons of mass destruction.
Ben filling up at the gas station... yeah I know I take a lot of weird pictures but it's fun for me.

Just me in the car, on our way.

Stopping for lunch at arctic circle... Triple berry shakes are amazing!

This is his hand with his ring, I was so excited about the ring, but we think it may be too small, we got it in his size but tungsten is kind of a sticky metal so he really can't get it off without tons of soap and water and force. I'm kind of worried that it may damage his finger so he hasn't worn it for the past few days :(.


This is Ben trying to take a picture with me while keeping his eye on the road... such a good driver! hehe

Honeymoon to Island Park!

Our original plan for our Island Park trip was to come up here and fish our guts out with a few intermittent trips to Yellowstone in between. On our way here, we picked up some year long Idaho fishing licenses and a fly tying kit so we were stoked and ready to slay some hog.
When we got here, we realized that Idaho has the most confusing fishing rules we've ever seen. Luckily we decided to stop at the local fly shop for some guidance on where the best place to fish was. We learned that most of the rivers and streams around here are closed! All we could fish was Island Park Reservoir which is huge and difficult to fish, or we could drive all the way back to Ashton or we could head up to Madison and buy another fishing license to hit the hot fishing spots. Not wanting to buy another license, we headed to Ashton the first day and tried and tried on every part of the river that was legal to fish and didn't catch a single thing. Ben and I each got a bite but we didn't land any. Bummer

Ben holding up the biggest fish we caught the whole day: his fly.

Being happy standing by my dirty car that was so tastefully decorated by our friends and family, even though we told them not to touch it. Thanks guys... at least it was cute:)


Second day we went up to Yellowstone and within 10 minutes of being in the park we pulled off onto Riverside Drive and saw this:

A small pack of gray wolves feeding on a moose or buffalo... not quite sure which. They were across the river so we felt safe but they were so huge!!! These pictures seriously don't do them justice. The two light wolves were smaller but still way bigger than me and the dark wolf was just massive!!! I think he was either hurt or old or both because he was limping on his front right paw and instead of going for the good meat that he'd have to rip off the bones, he went for the soft parts that had been cast aside by the other two.

On our way out of the park we stopped by here again the the small wolves were gone and so was the carcass but the big wolf was there laying in the grass still soaking up some sun.

This elk we saw along with a small herd of cow elk along the side of the road. We were so excited at first we took tons of pictures but then we realized that elk are seriously everywhere in Yellowstone so the excitement quickly wore off.

This is the firehole waterfall that was so cool, Ben wanted to kayak it... thank goodness that's not legal. Yikes!

This chipmunk was hanging out around the firehole swim area and him and his buddy scared me half to death by jumping out of the rocks all of a sudden right next to me. He was a little stunned to so he stuck around for a bit to let me snag this sweet picture.

Ben posing near the swim area... unfortunately way too cold still to swim.

Yes, this picture was taken through my windshield in the parking lot. He decided to jump on my hood instead of fly away when a car came to park right where he was standing in the next space.

Honestly can't remember what this hole is but the pools are my favorites with all the cool colors and this was a fun picture of both of us.

One of my favorite sites called Red Spouter that kind of reminds me of a mini version of the top of a volcano. In the summer it's thicker mud instead of the red water but either way it's pretty cool.

I think this was Fountain Geyser or something like that...

This is just next to Excelsior Geyser and Grand Prismatic pool. It says that Grand Prismatic pool pours out 500gallons of boiling hot water per minute into the firehole river!

Grand prismatic pool!

Grand Prismatic pool... again with both of us.

Ben stretching outside the bathrooms in the parking lot.

Cool picture of our car... With a Bison right behind it!

Stretching again in Black Sand Basin. His back was hurting so he stretched the whole time!

Old Faithful... of course!

Whoa! It's still going!


Ben and I decided after Yellowstone we needed a slow day so we hung around the cabin (which was fine in the bad weather. He worked on tying flies and I played with the puzzle my dad got me. It was a very good day. The morning was a little too eventful though... First of all I must explain the doors here in the cabin: when they're locked you can go out but you can't come back in. Ben and I decided to take my dad's advice about swimsuits being optional in the hot tub and went out for a peaceful morning soak. You guessed it... we didn't check the stupid doorknob and as soon as we shut it we realized what we had done. We were locked out! ...naked! Yikes!!!! I remembered my dad saying there was a lockbox with a spare key out front so Ben grabbed the towel and went for a little walk in search of the key while I waited in the hot tub. I finally grew tired of waiting so I threw on the sarong that Ben for no apparent reason brought out with us and wandered around the yard too. We found the box but didn't know the combination... and we had no cell phones. After fiddling with different numbers for a while I sucked it up and walked to the neighbors to ask for a phone to call my dad. The neighbor answered and luckily he actually had a spare key! As I walked across the yard back to our cabin he yelled out to Ben: "Hey, next time you get locked out... put some clothes on first!!!" Moral of the story: when it comes to the hot tub, always bring a spare key with you!

Ben playing with his fly tying kit. He's so good at it it's taking him over.

Later that day we decided to go fishing so Ben drug out our little raft and trolling motor and drove us across the lake

It was pretty cold and we struggled with the lines getting tangled in the wind for a bit and the boat was taking on some water in the bottom but it was a very fun little outing and a perfect end to a very fun "lazy" day.

Ben fishing across the lake with his home tied wooly bugger flies! We didn't actually catch anything but we felt some real hits... we also felt a lot of false hits. I can also proudly say that I caught the most "grass pikes." (literally a large string of grass... exciting at first but a real let down when you realize your "fish" isn't actually fighting.

Wedding

So there it was, the most memborable, important, and wonderful moment of my life so far. That moment I've been waiting for, dreaming about and imagining for as long as I can remember. Now, I must say I'm not one of those girls who had every detail planned and drawn out since she was 10, more like someone who is so clueless and easy going that I didn't even have the slightest idea of what I wanted, I just knew that I wanted to be married to Ben. I knew I wanted a white dress and an outdoor wedding and that I was going to enjoy my wedding food and cake. For being completely unaware as to the proper wedding etiquette and being totally carefree and open to whatever my mom, aunts, mother-in-law, dad, and any other random person or friend I would come in contact with suggested, it turned out to be perfect. The whole wedding was awesomely fun and it was exactly how I had "envisioned" it. We had a taco cart there along with tons of fruit, salsa, guacamole, chips, and brie cheese as well as rice, beans, cake, and Coldstone ice cream cake! (yes, I was in heaven!!! and even more so with my new husband!)

It wasn't without it's mistakes but I was still very happy.

• The photographer showed up late, but my Aunt Karla had decided to show up early to snap some fun photos of everyone getting all ready.
  
• Right before I walked down the aisle with my dad, I had heard that Ben was inside waiting for me. I was freaking out! How can I walk down the aisle and see the love in Ben's eyes if he was at the top of the basement stairs waiting for me? I walked out anyway... whatever happens happens right? and there he was staring at me with the strongest moment of awe and love and excitement I've ever experienced.
• During the ceremony, my mom's dog Tikki decided she wanted to be a bridesmaid (still not sure how she got outside) so she walked herself down the aisle and tried to start wrestling with Bear my puppy who had been part ring bearer. It was so cute, the actual ring bearers: Brody and Marcus (Ben's cousins) were petting and playing with the puppies the whole ceremony!
• When Bobbye showed up with the coconut/green tea wedding cake she opened the box and the cake looked kind of like a smashed watermelon! It was in pieces and there was frosting all over the box! Lucky for Bobbye, I was a very good bride to have a smashed wedding cake. She pieced it together, refrosted it, and stuck stargazer lilies over the damaged parts. It still turned out very nice.
  
• After the wedding, when Ben and I had already left for the hotel, Hailey (my sister) decided to give the groom cake (my surprise peanut butter bars for Ben) to Ben's family. We didn't realize until the next day so I called Sue Bauter and she said that it was already half gone but she'd save the rest of it until we got back from the honeymoon... :( sad day.
  

Okay, so these are out of order, but this is us in the hotel room just before Ben went out to put the parking pass in the car. When he had been gone for a couple minutes, I heard the door open and close again so I ran out to greet him but no one was there! He actually didn't show up again for another 5 or so minutes! ...they do say that hotel is haunted... who knows? This is in the getaway car that everyone so thoughtfully decorated with streamers, car paint, saran wrap, oreos, condoms and a pregnancy test! Yikes!!! Ben had to lift me up and set me in the car and then he ran around the car ripping off any problem decorations. Before we took off to the Ben Lomond Hotel! (such a cool place!)

Preparing to be a bride

Aside from loving and supporting my fiance Ben as usual, especially as he is taking his Practicum exam for clinical lab sciences, I have been very busy with the help of Ben preparing for the wedding. We sanded and stained the entire deck (which is HUGE for those who haven't seen it in person). We also weeded the whole yard and created a beautiful arbor which will soon be the background for our wedding ceremony if all goes well, especially the weather. I've also been working on gathering together all the decorations and arranging for flowers, food, drinks, cake, pictures, and all of those other little wedding needs.
This was the first trial of my wedding hair. Ben's aunt Emily is doing my hair and she's so much fun! This day, at first it was just Emily and I playing with my hair until she put the veil in... then we both almost lost it. Then it became real that I was getting married to her nephew and that she was going to help me get ready for it. We've been discussing options as far as taking care of my grand growout line of brassy to ashy hair. We talked about extensions or coloring. Extensions would be expensive but I really didn't want to color my hair either. Chelsey gave me the option of using a toner and said her mom who is also a very talented stylist could probably do it. It's just a temporary color used to take the brassiness out of the ends of my hair and mellow out the color change. Thanks so much Karen and Emily for helping me with all of my crazy hair so far. You two are seriously awesome!
This is still a before, I'll get an after shot later, I just haven't received any yet:) The other biggie was the dress! The most important and memorable part of a wedding is the picture collection that remains. Therefore, hair and dress, as well as tux, ties, and good photographer are pretty important.
This is the back of my dress without the bustle that my mom so cleverly devised. It has a pretty long train and is actually a size 4 but we are able to cinch it down to fit me VERY snugly.
This is the front, it's so pretty and I absolutely love it! It really does make the whole wedding seem more real and I'm getting VERY excited!

Going to The Chapel and I'm....

Yes, fine, I'll make it official on my blog:) For the three people that actually read this. I'm getting married on May 15, 2010! I just made up my invitations on Monday and now I'm working on sending out the first batches! I'm so very excited about them, so here they are:

Ben's good friend Jeremiah is a graphic designer and he helped us last weekend design these after a rather cold game of disc golf. It was so much fun and now it's starting to become more and more real to me: I'm getting married!

Not only am I getting married, but I'm getting married to Ben who is seriously the most perfect man for me. We have such a close connection and it's always a blast when we're together, from homework to water fights I just love being with him! I really am a lucky girl.

The only thing that kind of scares me is the fact that now I don't have the excuse of Boards to let me get out of wedding planning and now that there is only a little over a month left, it's getting down to the wire! If anyone has some quick and easy last minute tips for a great but not too fancy wedding, I am definitely all ears!

March: In Like a Lamb, Out Like a Lamb???

Yeah, I knew it was too good to be true. March was a beautiful month with sunshine and warmth and flowers and such... of course I didn't really get to enjoy it all that much due to the large black cloud called BOARD EXAMS hovering over my life that month. Now that the boards are over (I PASSED!!!) and I have time to go out and enjoy the beautiful sunshine and flowers that should be in April, I. get. snow. lame. I guess if march was a lamb the whole way through, now April has got to take it's place, but seriously??? 8 inches in one night???? And of course that would be the night before my last VA day ever meaning I had to get up at 5:30AM to make it to the park and ride by 6:15AM to make sure we could be to the VA by 7:45AM (then to sting just a bit more the roads were alright so we made it here at 7:05!!!) Yep, oh well, as my classmate Charlotte said, the snow really does make everything look beautiful. Just... please don't snow for my wedding!!! I want to be outside in the warm sunshine when I get married... I just need a little help, thank you:)

What, How, and for How long?

What can you do when someone you love very much and have known forever starts to feel so distant and different? How can you show them that love when you are starting to realize that this person may not be the same person you've known forever and you don't feel you're able to support them to the extent that they need to be supported? How long do you sit by patiently and wait for them to figure out who they really are and realize what they're doing?

The only answer I can come up with is this: You be there, you love them, and you wait for as long as it takes. If you really do love them that much, you will always love them so how could you not wait? How could you not help?

All you can really do is be patient and try your best to be supportive without being hurt when they don't listen. The other thing you can do is to let go, not of the love, but of the need to help them be more like you. Maybe this person isn't like you, maybe they don't want to be like you. You just love them for who they are and who they want to become.

MOVING!!! Woo Hoo!!!

So last weekend, my family, friends, Ben, and I have been working on moving me to the mother-in-law apartment in my parents' basement. It's just down the stairs for me, but we had lots of furniture to bring in and clear out, not to mention the rearranging of the now vacant bedrooms upstairs. It's been a lot of work but it's been so worth it and I'm so excited about how the apartment is coming together. It does make me miss Ben even more at night though to now have all this space for myself without anyone to share it with. Like Mark Twain said: To derive the greatest joy in life, we must divide it with someone else. It's also been interesting to have a king bed all to myself because I fall asleep on the side where my lamp is and when my alarm goes off in the morning from the other side of the bed, I reach for it and all I can feel is MORE BED! So then I roll over a few times and then I can stretch out and reach the button.

What I love most about moving out is the change in my mom that it has instilled. She is now viewing me as an adult and the idea of me moving out and getting married isn't as scary for her. She can actually see some benefits now (like being able to turn my room into the work out room...) It's been really good for all of us, she lets me do my thing and I'm doing my best to survive on my own (which only works to some extent since they still cover my gas and groceries and I don't even have an oven or microwave downstairs... it's basically been pasta on the stove down there... the oven/microwave is coming, soon, I hope).

New Adventures... of the "Benver" Kind

Last weekend was one of the harder and at the same time most memorable and exciting weekends I've ever had. Thursday and Friday I had a viewing and funeral for Ben's grandpa, which was actually really nice. I usually can't handle funeral events because they're so sad and all about mourning, but this one was a celebration. A celebration of life and the family that has come about because of that wonderful man. It was also a lot of fun to see the family again.

It had me thinking, death really isn't that scary of a concept. For some it's an ending, but for me it seems like the ending of one chapter but the beginning of a brand new chapter full of new and exciting adventures. I love life and I love being here, I know that this can't be it. I know that I'll be able to continue on living somehow and that I'll get to be with the people that I love even after this life is over. It also really comforts me to know that when that time does come, I will have my very best friend by my side, or at least waiting for me to continue on with our crazy life together.

We also went up to a yurt, which was my first time ever in a yurt but it was so much fun! I got to go ski untracked pow pow until my legs just couldn't take it anymore. Then we had a very nice porch sit in the late afternoon before dinner. So much fun! A lot of work and now I'm very sore but really, really worth it!