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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Goals

To help me get through this ominous and seemingly endless year, I have learned to set goals. Not just the big goals like graduate and pass the Board exams, but little goals that help me feel accomplished all along the way. I've made goals for cleaning, cooking, painting, finding patients, and my surprising favorite of all goals: to exercise???

I, like probably a very large majority of the people I know, hate exercising. I do not like to run and I could care less about muscle tone or losing weight, the normal things people worry about. Luckily, Ben always finds a way to motivate me to do the things I'm not especially compelled to do on my own, and this time he didn't even mean to.

My reason is this:
Back country skiing!
Honestly, I haven't really done much backcountry since my friends don't ski and my parents are resort rats, but I love the idea of going out on a bare mountain to get the fresh tracks.
Sounds great right? Totally, except for the fact that in order to get that untouched powder, you have to hike to it!!! Yikes! I absolutely abhor hiking, especially with skis strapped to my back and a huge pair of inflexible plastic boots on my feet. Thank goodness for whoever invented the wonderful idea of skins and alpine touring gear! Skins are a kind of furry material that you put on the bottoms of your skis that don't allow you to slip backwards that you use for hiking uphill with your skis on. Alpine touring bindings are a special binding that allows you to release your heel and even put a block up to make the angle easier on your ankles when skinning.
I'm going to try to learn to telemark ski so that I can have the advantage of the loose heel when skinning without having to get AT bindings.

Skinning is a lot easier than hiking up, but it's still a lot of work and you usually go for miles at a time. Therefore, I need to be in shape, especially if I want to keep up with my crazy boyfriend who is about the strongest hiker I know.

He also wants me to be his assistant trip leader when he starts the weekly backcountry treks up the mountain, I don't want to be the weak girly trip leader that everyone has to wait for so I have no choice but to work out.
We go to the gym about 3 times a week to rock climb and then run about 2 miles. I'm actually learning to not hate the running so much, it's kind of nice to have a good break from everything else and it helps me clear my mind so I can concentrate better when I study. It makes me feel more productive and accomplished, it's been very good for me. With this being one of the most stressful semesters ever for me, I seriously need all the help I can get.
I don't know how he does it, but he's managed to get me driven enough to continue with an exercise plan that I've been trying but too lazy and unmotivated to carry out for the last four years! It's so good! Now we just need some snow...





Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Ready to Move On


I really want to get out of my house. I love my parents and they've been really good to me my whole life but it's time. It's time for me and them to move on, and I feel like me being there still is causing more problems than anything. I feel almost in the way and like every time I try to help, it's not enough or it flies back in my face and I actually get in trouble for it. I feel like in order to preserve my sanity and the relationship with my parents, I need to leave. I need to leave so that when I see them it can be like a vacation, not a chore. I can be so excited to see them instead of excited to leave. I wish I could be out, but for now I can't. I have plans and goals which can only be reached right now by saving and earning as much as I can now while it's a bit easier and not so stressful. Basically, I'm stuck, and what can I do about it? Just keep on living as I have been I guess. Endure to the end right?

Not Again

I went to Mexico over the break and it was awesome but I've decided one thing for sure: I'm not going to leave Ben for that long ever again! I had a lot of fun but it was hard to be in that place that I love so much but not have my whole heart there. I really wanted him to be with me for the beach and fun and I wish I could have been with him for the alpine touring up by Camp Cloud Rim. It's also just caused so many problems that I hope don't have far reaching ramifications... either way I know where I am and where I want to be and nothing will change that. I've made my choice I'm just hoping now that life is kind and makes that choice a little easier for me. I'm not going anywhere, I've found what I want so how could I leave?